


Bigger On The Outside

by TheTimelessChild0



Series: Omovember 2020 [5]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Bed-Wetting, Big Sister Yaz, Desperation, Diapers, Graham is a good granddad, Humor, Omovember 2020, Post-Episode: Revolution of the Daleks, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, The Timeless Child Is Canon Deal With It, Urination, drunk, omovember 5, on ginger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: Never ask her to be a designated driver...
Series: Omovember 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987816
Kudos: 8





	Bigger On The Outside

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place after the christmas special...which I know hasn't aired yet. who cares

The TARDIS had been very willing to surrender her ‘thief’ to the authorities. Unfortunately, the chaos that immediately followed led to a balloon-y platoon of Judoon surrounding her constantly like the rain in a monsoon, from noon to noon. 

Forcing the Doctor to borrow a vortex manipulator, and aim for the most reasonable amount of time from the day she set her friends to be dropped off, preceding her  _ swift  _ arrest.

Her friends had insisted on not running after it right away, just yet. So, naturally, when she found the time and place, she sighed so hard, she could feel her respiratory bypass falling asleep.

It was a long drive to the probably quite lovely place the TARDIS chose to park itself. Presto, road trip. 

* * *

They approached a quaint English village called Stickbrook. It had a population of 356 000, as described quite clearly by a red and blue sign as they were entering. The people looked especially kind, and the pavement was decorated by large round flower pots filled to the brim with lavender. 

The Fam went to get drinks and snacks at a Pret A Manger. Or, part of the Fam. As soon as Graham opened the car door, the Doctor flopped down onto his seat, sleeping like a rock. They understood. Recent times had been exhausting. For all of them.

It wasn’t until they went over a pothole that the Doctor woke up.

“Here you go, coffee works on Time Lords, right?” Yaz asked, handing her a beverage in a plastic cup.

“Dunno, can’t even remember which me drank that last...heck, could be anyone at this point,” the Time Lady mused, taking a big sip.

It was delicious, so drank a bit more.

“Hmm, funny...tastes exactly like ginger,” she noted.

“That’s because it  _ is _ ,”

The Doctor made a fist in shock.

“Uh oh,” she put down her drink, cringing at her mistake.

“What’s the problem?” Yaz caught her anxiety.

“No problem. Just..eh, a slight hitch, minor complication, a snag, really, nothing to worry ‘bout,”

“Yeah, see now we  _ are _ worried, and will continue to be, till we get more intel on this particular  _ snag  _ of yours,” Graham commented.

“Humans...always sticking their nose in.  _ Aight _ ...you see, Time Lords, and that includes yours truly, can’t get drunk. Not on alcohol that is..unless we choose to, which I’ll admit have been the case occasionally,” the Doctor explained in a manner which suggested a very broad and loose limit on the nr of occasions.

“One thing we do get intoxicated from whether we like it or  _ not _ is ginger,” she stated.

“Wait; wasn’t there ginger in the humbugs you had while we were hunting Cyber-Men?” Yaz remembered.

“ ‘Ey PC Khan, I think it was justified; her planet burning up and everything,” Ryan defended.

“Yeah, alright, fair cop,” she squeezed the alien’s hand and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. The affecting substance was even more of the hour now that Gallifrey’d been  _ blown up  _ as well.

“No pun intended” quipped O’Brien.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“How much ginger is there in this rubbish?” the Doctor checked. 

The volume of ginger, when compared to alcohol, equalled a pint or two. 

“At least 3 vodka shots,” the ‘Gallifreyan’ translated.

“You know a lot about alcohol for an abstainer,” Graham noted.

  
“Well, I like to get a heads up, even if I’ve got no say in the matter. Seize control where I can,”

The humans raised their eyebrows.

“What?” the Time Lord was oblivious.

“Certainly good, when it concerns  _ external  _ factors,” Yaz mentioned.

* * *

It was interesting to see the effects the beverage had on the Doctor. She got more talkative. Like seriously talkative. Graham pulled out a notepad, scribbling down all the nonsense, bits and pieces of coherent communication. He planned to ask about them later, when she was sober.

“Ah,” the Doctor suddenly hunched forward, eyes wide in surprise. “Well, yes, I suppose that follows,”

“What does? What’s wrong?” Yaz jumped into action.

“Good news is I’m sobering up, bad news is it’s ‘cause I really have to pee,” she sighed.

“What goes in must come out,” Graham understood. “I’ll see if I can find a good place to stop,” 

“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d quite like it if we could find something sooner, rather than later,” the Doctor requested politely.

The driver agreed easily, while the other two nodded slowly. They didn’t know whether the Doctor was sobering up, or on the verge of blacking out. All they knew was, even when her mind was rational, and at its best; the Doctor would  _ never  _ be that insistent about her bladder. Not in a million years, or however far she  _ hadn’t _ travelled in  a TARDIS in  a lifetime.

The Doctor broke through the barrier that was her friends’ arms to get to the toilet. Her jacket was in the car, and her suspenders were half off, as she closed the door behind her.

Her friends had often suspected that their  _ millennial _ mate’s bladder was bigger on the inside. They had been assured that while yes, it had a much larger volume than that of a human, it was not.

It was nonetheless clear, however, that the ginger was being flushed out with a flood, going by the length of her bathroom break alone.

“Mighty Macra, that felt good! Did me a real favour, cheers chaps!” the alien greeted as she returned, looking visibly bouncier. Not that she didn’t bounce before, as she definitively did.  _ Vigorously _ , in fact. Latchkey incontinence has a variable range when the key appears in your pocket, any arbitrary unit of parsecs from the door it opens.

“Does ginger also activate the antidiuretic hormones, like when us earth folk have to go ten times in an hour?” Graham wondered.

“Kind of, but it’s more the other way around;  _ once _ every  _ ten _ hours,” the Doctor stated, leaning back, as if to nap against the leather. Instead, she stared at Ryan

“Mind, there are exceptions. If I drink enough alcohol without submitting to the effects, the mild earth  _ toxin  _ that it is, has to be filtered out like caffeine. My body treats all toxins the same, dragging out buckets of piss for the job,” she snickered.

“As you have undoubtedly forgotten and remembered over and over and over again,” Yaz suggested.

The Doctor smirked mischievously.

The car soon filled with raucous laughter. 

* * *

Safely back in the space-time continuum, Graham pulled out his notepad.

“Hey, Doc?”

The Doctor turned faster than usual at the moniker.

  
“While you were, in want of a better word,  _ pissed _ , I sketched down your ramblings to put them into context when you were more capable,” he mentioned.

“Ah! One sec, I need to do two things,”

The Doctor returned from a hallway containing a flushing noise, wearing a pair of glasses.

“I needed to do nr 1- as in pee, and nr 2- as in get my brainy specs out. We want the answers to be elaborate. Dontcha?”

“Probably/Not at all,” he gave her thumbs up to proceed. What she proceeded with, was the longest lecture Ryan had ever attended against his will.

* * *

Yaz entered the Doctor’s bedroom, finding the alien scouring through her drawers and belongings.

“What are you looking for?”

“I thought he still kept them in here...especially  _ him _ ,” she grumbled.

“Again, I must ask; wot?” 

“Protection,” the Doctor stated.

“As in...” Yaz didn’t think it was for falling out of bed. You could do that while sober, especially in a ship like this. And yet, no one ever had. Courtesy of the TARDIS, certainly.

“Nappies,” the alien filled in the blank casually.

“You really think you’ll need them?” she didn’t comment on the background reference.

“Strictly statistically speaking,” the Doctor acknowledged.

Yaz decided to check the bathroom, as you wouldn’t hide something no one was likely to see.

The search proved futile.

_ Well, if you did hide it, you would hide it far away... _ she mused.

The next stop on the list was the laundry room. Logically, the Doctor would’ve first hidden it poorly, then their companion would place it far away to keep it distanced from the alien’s otherwise cheerful night routine. Wherever this was, it was in this room. And right behind that, was its new hiding place.

Behind a box of laundry detergent, was a box of nappies. She handed one to the Doctor, who looked more secure in her baggy pyjamas than her nightshirt.

Yaz yawned.

“Well, I think I’ll tuck in if it’s all the same to you,”

“Brilliant!” the Time Lord jumped into bed, falling asleep instantly.

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” she murmured, wrapping the blankets around the Doctor.

* * *

The Doctor was proven right. Not only did she wet her diaper, she also wet the bed. 

She entered the console room in a huff. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard from my mother...ship, so let me just get one thing straight; the  _ first _ person who makes a comment about me overflowing with pent up  _ emotion _ gets locked in the ice room,”

Blank stares. 

“Hilarious. I’ll put the kettle on,”

“Okay,  _ now  _ she is sober!” the humans remarked in unison.

Sophisticated nods.

The End.


End file.
